I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
