we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
