Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
