You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
