he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
