cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
