You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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