Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
