I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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