I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
