whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
