I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
