8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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