:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
