so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize