that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
