HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
