I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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