How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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