Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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