I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
