In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
