Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
