Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
