I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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