i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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