i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
