Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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