no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My penis needs a shock collar
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
