She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize