you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
