I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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