I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
