I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
