Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
People in love make me want to vomit
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
