In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
