he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
