You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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