He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
