She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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