OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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