A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
