There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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