If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
