She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
