my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
