So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
