I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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