haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
