i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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