I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
