Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
