he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
