Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize