The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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