I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
