then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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