I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
