i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
