Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
