If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
