you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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