He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am naked and annoyed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
