Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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