forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
