In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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