I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
