I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
