He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You need a sexual gate keeper
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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