You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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