Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
