I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
