Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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