I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
