just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
