the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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