doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
