My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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