Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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