He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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