I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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